Melksham Comic Con
Melksham Comic Con
Well, this weekend saw us at Melksham Comic Con, the first convention I've been able to get to since my son Greyson was born and boy, was I glad to get back in the saddle! Joe Cape #2 was released and well received. I caught up with a lot of friends I have not seen in far too long including Jon Lock (who was launching Heavenly Chord #2), Vince Hunt (Red Mask from Mars), Owen Watts (Psychedelic Journal of Time Travel) and Dani Abram (who was launching Worry Wart - a fantastic read that we'll come back to in a moment), among many others. Put it this way, at the pub afterwards we needed to put four tables side by side and people were still standing!
Our table at Melksham Comic ConI also presented a panel on making indie comic and common pitfalls and mistakes you can avoid through planning and preparation. Once the video is live on YouTube (currently been uploading for 3 and a half hours and it's quoting me 3 more before it's done), I'll post a link here along with the Powerpoint slides.
Quick Edit: Video is now live! Link to slides coming soon!
State of Mind
I debated whether or not I should post about this, especially in a public place, but after reading Dani Abram's Worry Wart and having a long discussion with her and other friends I think it would be healthy for me to openly discuss this here. It might help take some weight off my shoulders.
I am currently signed off work due to stress and anxiety. Short version is that our team took on a workload we underestimated and did not have the resources to tackle. I've found myself working with an excessive volume of in-depth queries and complications regarding a complex product I am unfamiliar with and have no formal training on.
I don't know if it was through male pride, stubbornness or a desire to progress/get a pay rise but I also said yes to taking on a variety of other responsibilities, including assisting new starters and less experienced team members, tackling IT faults (both hardware and software), organising systems access, and being the sole point of contact for another... issue (yes I am keeping the nature of my job and the company I work for secret, figure that's a smart move considering what I'm saying, this is going to be vague, sorry).
The environment became quite high pressure quite quickly. We started to lose people. The guys coming in the door weren't put on the same product I was working on because they weren't trained on it and weren't likely to be for the foreseeable future. I appreciate I'm not trained on the product either, yet here I am.
As you can imagine, the work wasn't going anywhere but the people were. Their work had to be reallocated and whilst my managers assured me it was their job to worry about the bigger picture, I was all too aware that more and more cases were finding their way to my desk. The cases also have a time limit and I was finding they were getting older and older when they arrived with me.
Still, I have to pay rent and feed the kids, same as you. I also thought I might get recognition for helping out and staying on-board during a difficult time. When my appraisal came around I was told I had a satisfactory rating but hadn't warranted an exceptional rating, this affected my annual pay review and annual bonus.
Feeling under appreciated and overworked, I applied for another job within the company, one relevant to my degree and skills. The new business area wanted me, I wanted to go, but my current business area were able to prevent me from going and, yes, I have checked with HR, my contract and my staff union.
In the end, I had the option of taking the job, but as a fixed term contract for 6 months. This meant I would no longer be under the company pension or bonus scheme, my sickness benefits would change, and there would be no guarantee of work after 6 months. This is all because they would have terminated me as a permanent employee and then re-hired me as a contractor. Thinking of my responsibilities to my family, I stayed put. My brain still tells me I made the right choice but my heart is screaming "Idiot!" at me on repeat.
By this point, I knew the dam was going to break, that our team's way of working was unsustainable and everything would go drastically wrong sooner or later. I hoped I wouldn't still be one of the few left to fend it off when that inevitably happened. Honestly, I knew I was at my limit too but I figured the system would break before I did and, at that point, the system would have to change. I honestly thought that, if I could make it that long, I'd be okay.
I then received the news that my grandmother had suffered a seizure at home, needed to be resuscitated and was then taken to hospital where she had another seizure and had to be brought back a second time. She's since been sent back home with medication but no one has given a diagnosis and she has a follow up appointment with a neurologist in October. Upon receipt of that news, I had a full brown break down in the middle of the office as a teary eyed mess. I'm still not proud of it (but if you keep reading you'll notice pride is a recurring theme here).
Thankfully, I had the following week booked off for my daughter's second birthday. The timing was sheer coincidence but I was thankful for it. We tried to book an appointment with a doctor as both my partner and my bosses were concerned, however this was right around the time of Robin William's unfortunate suicide. Reading between the lines, I think the NHS were getting a lot of calls from people about stress and depression and they weren't sure who to take seriously. Regardless, instead of pushing them I figured, hey, I had time off and I'd be able to relax, get everything out of my system. The second I returned to work I knew I was wrong. I called the doctor's surgery back, persisted, and managed to get an appointment for that same afternoon.
I spoke with the doctor, but due to male pride, a stubborn nature and not wanting to show any signs of "weakness" (traits that unfortunately appear in every male of the family) I was somewhat reserved. The doctor diagnosed me with stress and anxiety, but thankfully gave me the all clear for depression. He suggested signing me off from work. I declined due to the same reasons outlined at the start of this paragraph, alongside concerns as to what being signed off would mean for my job security and potential progression opportunities. "He can't cope with what he's doing now, why would we promote him?" was the phrase that kept going through my head.
In addition to that, I knew that every time we had lost someone, we had felt the strain even more. I didn't want to go away and take care of myself because it meant putting some of my colleagues under even more pressure. Even then, they couldn't reallocate all of my work while I was gone. We can't cope with the headcount we have now, never mind coping without me! As egotistical as it sounds, I felt it would be selfish to allow myself to be signed off and let the team down, almost as if I believed they couldn't function if I were not there.
The following day, I had a long discussion with my immediate manager. It was clear they were also extremely frustrated at the situation, that they had tried to implement solutions yet found themselves impeded by the people they then report to. Such is the chain of bureaucracy around every office worker's neck... I was told things would change, the additional responsibilities would be gone, I could focus on my core job role and I would be given a manageable workload.
Within 24 hours, I had received 5 cases, set up a new user's system access and realised that the bigger picture would remain unchanged. There would still be more work coming into the department than the department could put back out. My manager could be sympathetic but had already admitted the larger problem was outside of her control. We were still fighting a Hydra, every case that we got out the door, another two or three would take it's place.
That Friday saw another long standing team member leave. We lost three people in total that week, all of whom were in a similar boat to me, all of whom had been working the same product as me, and all of whom would not be replaced for months. Another colleague started to talk to me about the working environment and I admitted I'd sought professional help. They are considering doing the same and I strongly urge you to do so, you know who you are. We both knew the work our lost colleagues would have undertaken has to go somewhere, and we also had to question if maybe those who had jumped ship had the right idea.
The doctor called on the Friday for a status report. Following that status report I am signed off and my absence is to be reviewed with the doctor on an on-going basis to assess when and if I am fit to return to work. Honestly, I burned myself out and I should have said or done something so much sooner than I did.
Symptom wise? I'm a bit of a mess, I go from frustration to anger to a ball on the floor. I have no fuse and I get angry very quickly, sometimes at people who really don't deserve it (to those people, I am so, so sorry). I was getting home from work and shutting myself off in another room to go 30 rounds on Street Fighter so I could then go into the living room without taking out my frustrations on my family.
My other half has been feeling guilty because we moved from Norfolk to Wiltshire to accommodate her emotional need to live nearer to her immediate family. I quit my job in Norfolk and took the first job that was offered to me in Wiltshire in order to facilitate that move. That's how I wound up working in the company I'm with today. She thinks she's to blame for me being unhappy, that if she hadn't asked me to move, this wouldn't be happening right now. That is not fair to her at all and it tears me up that I've made her feel that way.
I very much blame myself for my own situation. I chose my relationship with her over staying in Norfolk. I chose to take the first job I could get. I didn't have to. I own those decisions. What's happening now is my fault, not her's. I also believe, to an extent, that I'm dissatisfied with what I've accomplished. My day job is just that, a job, not a career. What I do is not even remotely linked to what I studied or what I'm passionate about. It was that same disappointment which led me to create indie comics. Does that mean I resent my partner or our kids? Of course not. I love them. I don't know what I would do without them.
You might notice Joe Cape #2 is a little different in tone than #1. I'd be lying if I said I didn't release some of my feelings into my comic work, but I also found it to be extremely helpful as an outlet. I want to really focus all my attention and energy on my art while I'm off to help my state of mind and work towards a recovery. I'm lucky to have that outlet.
Worry Wart, Danni's book which I mentioned earlier, discusses several similar issues that she has faced in her life. It's a deeply personal and endearing book that is easily one of the most fascinating reads I have seen - though bear in mind I am somewhat biased as I can relate to the work on a personal basis and the author is a friend of mine. It's a brilliant book and you should all read it if you get the chance. I know I've read and re-read it and it's helping. Thank you Danni, I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels a little better for having read your work and knowing they're not alone.
Equally, I need to thank everyone who attended Melksham Comic Con. Every time I go to a convention I feel like I've gone home, like I'm where I'm belong. I'm among friends in a safe environment. People are buying my artwork, showing me that my passion produces something that brings joy to other people. Hell, my table was even next to Andy Lanning (yes the comics professional) who was a brilliant guy and even told me I draw a mean Rocket Raccoon and Groot (those who know his work will also know his involvement in the Guardians of the Galaxy comics). Jon, Vince, Hayley, everyone, thank you so much. Honestly, you have no idea.
Now I'm back home, back to everyday reality, the next convention is two months away (MCM, end of October) and it sucks. The contrast between conventions and the real world seems pretty severe to me given my current circumstances and frame of mind. My head space is all kinds of screwed up. I would love to make my art and comics a full-time thing, however at the moment it's simply a self-financing hobby and it's frustrating that I don't know how to take it beyond that. If I had my way, me and everyone else from the con scene would go found a village somewhere where it's a comic con all year round! If only, right?
What's really weird is that, even knowing I am doing the right thing, I can't help but feel conflicted and guilty, like I really am being selfish and letting the team at work down. Heck, I've almost closed my browser window while typing this on several occasions because I thought I'd be burning bridges or somehow failing to show loyalty to my company! Isn't that insane?
Wow, I have rambled. I'm sorry, I didn't expect this post to be this long. I really didn't. It helps to talk though, even to the vast void that is the Internet. If you're going through anything similar, I really hope this helps you. I don't know what the answer is yet and I don't know what the outcome will be. I want there to be a happy ending, something positive to come out of all this, I just don't know what that resolution would be right now.
Name Changes and Trademarks
Superheroes Ltd is undergoing a change of name. From issue 2 onwards, the series will be titled Joe Cape.
Wait, What? Why?
I previously posted about Arcadia getting accepted for digital distribution via Comixology. I also submitted issue 1 of Superheroes Ltd whilst working on issue 2. Comixology rejected the submission recently, stating they were concerned about a potential trademark issue.
Upon further investigation, it turns out that Marvel and DC jointly own a trademark for the word "superhero", including all of it's permutations. "Superhero", "super-hero", "super hero", it doesn't matter how you spell it, if you use in it the title, advertising, or promotion of your product without Marvel & DC's permission you're infringing upon their trademark.
Oddly enough, the rules seem to allow for the use of the word on internal comic pages, so the actual content of the book remains unchanged.
So Marvel & DC Came After You?
No, they haven't. I'm making this decision to avoid any potential problems in the future. I know I'm a small indie comic artist and I'm probably not even on their radar, but I would rather be safe than sorry, especially as they've previously gone after other indie comics such as A World Without Superheroes.
What Happens Now?
It seems I can use the word superhero on internal pages, so I do not need to make any alterations to the content of the books or the story I have planned out. As I am implementing changes immediately upon learning of the trademark issue, I should reasonably be allowed to continue selling the original print run of issue 1, which was only 200 copies. Once my stock is low enough I will reprint the first issue with the new title and a new cover. This means that first print run is going to be quite a rarity!
Issue 2 will be printed with the new title and logo from the get go. I had hoped to launch the book at Melksham Comic Con later this month, however this last minute change might throw a spanner in the works. I'm currently doing everything I can to ensure the book still launches on time.
Over the next few weeks you'll see the digital version of Superheroes Ltd issue 1 available through Comicsy replaced with Joe Cape issue 1. The great thing about digital distribution is that I don't face the problem I do with the physical copies, in that I have to sell those before I can afford to reprint copies with the new logo.
Outside of that, everything continues as normal.
Good morning one and all! We've got updates and news galore today, so sit back, relax, and take in some awesome new news!
Who's Who In Superheroes Ltd #2
As Superheroes Ltd #2 progresses nicely, I figured it would be a good idea to let you in on who's who and what's happened between issues 1 and 2.
Joe Cape: Still unemployed after the events of issue 1, Joe has decided he's going to use his powers to help the people of the city, whether he's licensed or not! Hiding his face, and with law enforcement in pursuit of his new alter ego, Joe is trying to find out where the mech that attacked in issue 1 came from, who built it, and if there could be more of them out there!
Maria Sides: Her actions at the end of issue 1 have earned her a stretch in prison for unauthorised use of her powers (even though it was in defence of the city)! She knows Joe has been playing vigilante and is deeply concerned he's going to wind up behind bars with her.
Derek Black: Now a government employee, Derek has been tasked with finding and bringing in the new rogue superhero that's been appearing across town. Unbeknownst to Derek, he is hunting his friend and former colleague, Joe!
Derek has tried to investigate the origins of the mech from issue 1, however his bosses keep blocking his attempts to gain answers. This has only made him more suspicious.
Bryan Bodington: Bryan is also now working as an agent for the government. He was hired alongside Derek and the two have been partnered together. Their bosses are hoping Bryan's animalistic instincts and keen sense of smell are going to be crucial to tracking down the new vigilante.
So, there you have it! Issue 2 is shaping up to be an exciting tale where old friends suddenly find they're on differing sides of the law. Will Derek and Bryan bring Joe in? Will any of the parties find out the truth behind the mech? There's only going to be one way to find out!
Not Read Superheroes Ltd #1?
Not to worry! You can purchase a physical copy from this website, or at any of the conventions I am attending. Alternatively, you can get a digital copy from my new Comicsy store! Get caught up and get ready for one of the best indie comics you'll read this year! (Yes, I'm confident.)
Bristol Comic Expo!
I recently attended Bristol Comic Expo and had an awesome time as usual. It was held in a new venue this year, Future Inns near Cabot Circus. Despite being a little cramped, there was a great atmosphere and a ton of people came out to say hi and buy some comics!
Whilst there, I met some new faces. First up we have The Red Mask From Mars, by Vincent Hunt and Shaun Dobie. An alien has stuck itself to the face of Doug Stewart, making him practically indestructible. It's a bloody fun and hilarious read that feels like a very British Deadpool. Definitely one to check out!
Next up is Razarhawk, by Ian Matthews and Dani Abram. Agent Hawk is the pilot of an experimental plane which transforms into a battle robot! (Think Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' Megazord or a Gundam and you're pretty much there.) With artwork reminiscent of Kim Possible, it'll be interesting to see where the duo take the idea.
Finally, I cannot fathom why I've not spoken about her before because I have an embarrassing amount of her stuff, I grabbed volume 2 of Nanniiebim's Mephistos. Centering around a genuinely cute and heartwarming romance between a quiet but straight talking woman and the demon-disguised-as-a-man-but-she-can-somehow-see-through-it that lives in the flat next door, it has a unique, scratchy, almost concept art, manga aesthetic which never fails to amaze me. (I really, really, like this book, okay?)
Thought Bubble Confirmed!
I have booked the time off work, paid the invoice for the table and reserved the hotel room. Thought Bubble, Leeds, 15 and 16th November 2014. I'll see you there!
Rogue Wings - A Video Game I Happen to be Making
I'm putting my BA (Hons) Games Art & Design degree to good use by creating a game inspired by Star Fox, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, and After Burner together using the Unity engine. I present to you, Rogue Wings!
You saw two videos of this game in my last update, but since then I have put up two more developer diaries, which can be seen below. I'm very much learning the programming as I go (because I'm primarily an artist, not a programmer) but a friend appears to be onboard to help me with that, which is awesome.
First of all, Kitacon!
I literally just got back in the door from this year’s Kitacon and wow, it’s easily still the most insanely fun convention the UK has to offer! While I wasn’t selling at Kitacon, I did get the chance to catch up with some fellow creators and held a panel called “How to Draw Your Own Comic Or Manga”, which people found to be very helpful. Unfortunately, the panel was not filmed but I do intend on releasing a video of the presentation slides with myself talking over them. I can’t reproduce the talk verbatim because there were some deviations and tangential subjects that I simply cannot recall accurately enough to include. That said, I still think the information in there is going to be invaluable to anyone who is thinking about creating their own book.
Speaking of panels, Ubisoft’s Reflections studio held a panel on getting into the video game industry which was very informative and I even won a copy of Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag during their talk. Now I just need to pick up where I left off in Assassin’s Creed Revelations and then beat III before I can play it. The ones I’ve played so far have taught me I cannot afford to skip entries where the plot is concerned.
Fellow comic creator Tab Kimpton of Khaos Komix also gave a panel on “Kickstarting Your Comic” which had plenty of useful advice for comic creators, direct from a veteran of the webcomic community.
Kitacon held it’s reputation as being the party convention, and this is proven by the fact that I am still stiff and sore from Saturday night’s rock party. DJs LastKnight and Shenny absolutely nailed it and an awesome time was had by all!
Alas, it all had to come to an end eventually but Kitacon will be back in 2015 and the committee plan on making it even bigger than before! I’ll see you there.
Weekly Art Challenge!
It’s always a good idea to keep your eyes and hands sharply trained so I’ve set myself a weekly art challenge. The challenge is simple, depict the most ridiculous, insane or hilarious thing I have heard or seen that week. The first week’s image is complete (see below) and the second week’s will shortly follow. This should create a nice collection of varied, interesting and bizarre images for you all to enjoy!
A Traitor’s Reasons
So, there have been some whispers of myself working on a comic titled A Traitor’s Reasons as well as some questions about what this means for the continuation of Superheroes Ltd. First of all, I can confirm I want to create a comic called A Traitor’s Reasons and hope to have the first, and possibly second, installment complete by the end of 2014. I will, however, still be working on Superheroes Ltd and also hope to have the first arc of that complete by the end of 2014.
A Traitor’s Reasons would essentially follow a soldier who has not only questioned, but disobeyed direct orders on moral grounds. He is struggling with an internal conflict between his loyalty and allegiance to his country versus his morality and conscience. It’s going to a dramatically intense book and I can’t wait to draw some of the more explosive scenes!
So how is this going to work and why am I doing this? As mentioned above, I need to keep my creative abilities at their peak and by drawing two separate stories with different tones and demands I will ensure I’m really challenging myself in order to create end products which are energetic, engaging, and imaginative! I will basically work on issues in rotation between the two books, so I will complete one issue of A Traitor’s Reasons, then complete one issue of Superheroes Ltd, then another issue of A Traitor’s Reasons, then another Superheroes Ltd, so on and so forth. This means there should be a steady release pipeline for fans of both series with no one losing out.
A Few Closing Notes
Unfortunately, due to an administrative error on their part and an on-going dispute which is unlikely to be amicably resolved, I am no longer attending MCM Comic Con in London at the end of May. If their guys sort the problem out then I will of course be in attendance as usual but right now they’re giving me the impression that I am so low on their priority list they’ll need professional drilling equipment before they can get to me. It’s a shame as they have already admitted fault but refuse to offer any resolution.
I will still be at a comic convention in May though, Bristol Comic Expo, 10-11th May, unsurprisingly in Bristol! Come say hi, I’ll post my table number as soon as I know it!
Comic News and Weekly Art Challenge
Second of all, I have set myself a weekly art challenge! I am going to draw an image once per week (most likely over the weekend) depicting the most bizarre, ridiculous and/or hilarious thing I have heard at my day job that week. The first one went up today, check it out, it has a dinosaur! sjwebster.deviantart.com/art/W…
That's about all from me for today but no doubt I'll have more news for you all soon.